Okay I'm one of those people who hates visiting a blog thats a giant page of writing, I'd much rather see photos. BUT HERE I AM doing it anyways, apologies in advance for the novel xoxxxx
So my last crazy long, tell all, blog post, I raised such a reaction. A positive one. So even though it was super scary just putting all that out there, it made it worth it getting texts, emails & people I wouldn't normally talk to, come approach me, like this:
thank you xoxx
Opening my phone to those kinds of things makes me feel on top of the world. I didn't even know it was possible to make someone else pumped about what they have going on. YES. I'm glad my vibes are spreading, I love love love love it.
Finding yourself/creating yourself. However you put it it means self discovery. You need to look with your eyes, but see.
SO, often, I call my parents, all worked up about something photo related or work related, weird that they are becoming one. So I'm flipping out without a breath, this happened, and that, and how should I go about landing this gig, emails, student loans, models, and they didn't answer yet, how should I make this happen, and on and on and on. ---and they have on numerous occasions, replied with ".....You're nineteen" ---aka, slow down, you're so young, you have your whole life to do everything you want to do. Relax
I breathe and realize, they're right. I definitely don't give them enough credit...
I get that I am nineteen and have not experienced a fraction of what's to come. But I what can talk about is what I've experienced so far. I've experienced divorce, moving boxes, a torn family and all that sad stuff, but I've also experienced more love than you could ever imagine. Drowned in love and support through absolutely everything my life has thrown at me, or what I've thrown at myself. --I believe that what we experience is so important but it's what we take from each situation we're faced with is what's so so so so so important. ~ It could be anything. I'll throw a couple of my personal examples out there. Something small like not enjoying myself completely at a social event, soley because my head was somewhere else. Distracted 100%, which would reflect on my mood, and sadly my facial expression. And that's not me. But it would be, if I didn't take a step back and look at it from a distance for a second. Maybe it is me, but that's not who I want to be so I changed it I. changed it. It wasn't a friend, or a boy or a family member that said, yo snap out of it, you're being miserable. It was my change of perception and I believe it. So that's a small example that I have.
I would say another is > Loss.
The things that we value; family, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, animals, money, things. Thats probably it. So when we lose of the above things we focus too much energy on trying to get them back. It's like mission unstoppable. I've been there. Getting in a fight with your best friend over something dramatic, breaking it off with your significant other because your relationship was like an episode of 90210. Generally we put so much emotion in trying to fight it and get it back, without even realizing NOT FIGHTING IT is actually an option. It IS an option. Let. It. Go. Once you realize this, you'll be a hundred percent happier. Guaranteed. I didn't figure all this out easily, or a long time ago. This is all recent and thoughts I've gathered and connected the dots.
Focusing, making friends, no fighting, sleeping on it-- things are alwaaaaaays easier the next day. STOP BEING DISTRACTED. It's gone, it's over with. Stop trying your heart out fighting against the new things that are ahead.
Take a day, a night, an hour, cry -whatever. Then promise yourself you'll never cry again for that same reason.
Now you're all done being in panic mode.... Blast some music & write a to do list. Go.
In elementary school I remember learning about setting goals + writing them down. Mine were a little like this:
1. Get an A+ on la quiz de science humaines
2. Read to page 31 on Le Petit Prince
3. Walk Jessie without Dad asking
4. Pick up all my stuffed animals off my floor
5. Practice the piano
Hilarious.
-Though I didn't take it seriously at the time, (though I actually probably did...) subconsciously, it stuck with me.
I write goals and to do lists every single day. AND IT WORKS. It's like training your brain to assume it has to get something done, rather then an option.
Story time.
It was the first day my (now best friend of 7 years) Renee, transfered into Mme. Robichaud's 7FI homeroom class... she was sitting a few rows ahead of me and we were all asked to go around the room and answer what we wanted to be when we grew up. Renee was about two turns before me and she blurts out "Photographer" as confident as a cat. HELLO. slap in my face. I wanted to kill this new girl 5 minutes into her transferring in. She stole my occupation?!?! Um, so now what was I supposed to say when it was my turn, right after?! Needless to say, I literally couldn't think of anything. I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, it wasn't even questionable, I KNEW- and this little curly hair girl just said my answer. So I said it anyways, .."Photographer.."-- Mme. Robichaud, nodded then went to the next kid. And I sat there feeling red faced and violated for a good ten minutes - A) I bet the 7FI class doesn't even remember any of that, but I'll never ever forget it. B) Renee's studying sciences at Dalhousie now... So she wasn't even serious about her answer.
I took that very seriously. Obviously.
So from setting goals and actually taking a route to pursue them, I've learned a lot. I never want to stop learning. I've learned to to see instead of look, listen instead of talking, I've learned to look up at the sky instead of down at my feet, I've learned that some of the most precious things you find when you're not looking. I've learned that trying a new drink at Starbucks is harder then you'd think, now apply that to your life; take a chance. You might love it or hate it, but nowwww once you've tried the new Berry Refresher, you know that. We steer ourselves to what we know. I've taken chances not because I had to, or felt pressured to, but because I want to experience so much more then I can even imagine. I took a different route to work, ...or the liquor store, or anywhere I walked to often over the summer, just to explore and stop in little shops and ask questions and say Hi. I've learned that I want to answer questions even though I don't know all the answers. I learned that I want to accomplish so much more in my years that I never knew before now. I've learned that going into things with an open mind and no expectations, makes you soooo much happier. It's an expperrrieeeennnceeeeeeeee. Nothing more, nothing less. I've learned that instead of assuming it can't happen to you, make it happen to you. I've learned that you gotta look up sometimes from your routine, treat yourself & move on to the next thing. I learned that I love my home town but it's too small for my goals, but I'll always get a giddy feeling coming home to what I know. I've learned that balance is one of the keys to success, and to be well rounded. I've learned that I never want to ride someone else's wave. I've learned that sometimes you need to get away to appreciate what you're coming home to.
Alsssssssooooo! A video I made while I was here for the summer, is now up on YouTube. It started out with some random clips I took, then I started playing them behind some music.. The song is by Thomas Bird, an incredibly talented Fredericton, musician. I'm literally obsessed with this song. A big thanks to Alex & Ruth, two friends that I became so so so close with moving here, they dealt with me asking them to do hilarious things for footage, in public. So props to them, thanks guys. <3
Montreal you've been nothing short of amazing, and the people I've met here, I can't wait to come back and party on Saint. Laurent. You'll always have a place to crash in New Brunswick.
Next stop. Freddy beach.
A la prochaine, xxxx bizou
